17.89 or "How'd you just think of that?"

I am not a huge history buff.

And please realize that every one of these posts requires me to google a year in order to find out what happened.

That being the case I still try to impress people by knowing things that happen in the year 1789 when I have just paid $17.89 for two giant sandwiches, a whole mess of fries, and a greasy little sack of deep fried cheese curds.

The blocky green display glowered out the numbers 17.89 signifying I should take out my debit card and hand it to the lady on the other side of the Burger Time food window. Then a magical transaction would happen and hopefully that same amount of virtual beans would be deducted from my pile of virtual beans in my bank account somewhere on the other end of that telephone line the credit card machine was hooked to. See, I'm a simple guy, and the fact that I never actually see "real" money anymore mildly terrifies me. But anyway due to this simple-old-fashioned kind of attitude Brett and I actually went INSIDE at Burger Time, something I didn't even know was possible 2 years ago. As I pondered the fact that right now a new line was being added to my online banking statement that let me know that apparently my life is worth some sum total of currency I looked up at 17.89 and popped right off. "1789, that's the year the U.S. Constitution was ratified."

Brett looked at me in slack jawed wonder and said "How'd you just think of that?"

"How'd you just think of that?"

--------->IMPORTANT!!!!!<-----------

This was absolutely incorrect! The U.S. Constitution was ratified June 21st, 1788!!!!!!

I then took a second to personally plug my blog which, when I asked if he'd ever read it the only response was an audible grunt of a scoff. 

Which I suppose I deserve in light of the fact that I totally blew my first actual opportunity for a real world application of this skill I'm working on acquiring. However, I like to think that if I had some sort of wise spirit guide named "Chippewa Pete" or something who could visit me and give me advice no one else could hear Chippewa Pete would tell me "Hey, you were only a couple months off big guy. It could be a whole lot worse."

Well now, let's look at what actually happened in 1789 Courtesy of Wolfram|Alpha (The real SkyNet):

So, hey! It went into effect that year! However, I was totally thinking of the Bill of Rights.

Now, Wolfy doesn't really give much thought to other countries besides the U.S. there's one little note about France which is funny because the one thing they ought to say about France is

The storming of the Bastille! Which started a little thing called the French Revolution.

There were two pretty cool little babes born that year. One was James Fenimore Cooper, unfortunately he died in 1851 so he probably never knew how totally badass Daniel Day-Lewis was in "The Last of the Mohicans" and the little german dude who went on to come up with Ohm's Law.

Also, Wikipedia believes that Thomas Jefferson brought the first macaroni machine to ever grace american soil back home that year. Huh. Neat. I have no idea whether or not this is actually true, but it's stated with such certainty that who could doubt it upon initially hearing it? I didn't. And so, I guess that's something. A year comes up and I can just say whatever I want. It might be right or it might be wrong but if it's asinine enough who's going to bother to check? After all, Brett'd never even heard of this blog before and he's featured in it now.

P.S. I'm totally going to post this on his timeline.

P.P.S. Writing that last post-script made me feel really uncomfortable. Just thought you should know.

1.23.12 Exciting Day, 1017 Boring Year

What's today?

123. January 23rd twothousandtwelve. 

The reopening of Ebeneezer's. Boom. Shaka. Laka.

Can't you just sense their excitement?

But for real now.

I woke up this morning without a thought in my head. As I was grinding some coffee beans wondering if I'd wake up the band from Syracuse that were sleeping on Teddy's fold out couch. I then hear a stumbling and a rumbling coming from the floor above. It was the kind of noise I usually hear when I've woken up the dog in the morning and he's coming down to see just what the hell all the fuss is about. But I realized that Teddy was mounting a semi-non-violent insurrection for control of the couch in the living room.

So I was only a little surprised when it was Billy who came bounding down the steps. We quickly got on to the subject of breakfast. Billy informed me Jake had received a bit of a premonition the night before about me hitting him up for Ebeneezer's in the morning. Two things you should know here: 1. Jake and I are great boys for getting breakfast. 2. Ebeneezer's is open again TODAY! After being shut down for an eternity after the flood. Not wanting to let him down I promptly rescheduled my day and started pounding on his bedroom door.

We rode on pins and needles all the way to Ebeneezer's. Will it be open? If it is, will we get a place to sit? Will they still know how to make a 'Beneez Burger? A Fat Frog?

As you can see our fears were totally dispelled. The food was delicious, the environment was shiny and new but still felt like home. A 'Beneez Burger with chips and a Pepsi costs $10.17. Awesome!

Now, for the year 1017 AD. Boring.

Seriously.

Here's the entire wikipedia article.

So, now I should be nice. Canute, Acclaimed king of England apparently became "Acclaimed" that year and got married. I do not know if they threw rice or porridge at the wedding. Wikipedia doesn't say.

Kiev burned. So probably not to boring for Kiev-ites. Also, they started building a big church.

In Africa Sunnis (like Teddy for the sofa) revolted against some Shi'ites. Some things never change.

In short, Ebeneezer's is back. Go there now. Tip your waitress. Go Minot!

1900

"Two dollars! That's just great! Oh my god..." The waitress grumbled and trailed off as I handed over the signed debit card receipt. (Ok, hang on... Is that what you call the part you sign and hand back? Then the one you get to keep is also a receipt? I thought the very nature of a receipt was that you got to keep them? I mean the debit card slip you sign and give back isn't a bill. Is it just called a slip? *sigh. If anyone knows can you please tell me in the comments? Thanks.) She wasn't happy. I initially felt bad as I quickly did the very rudimentary math in my head. "That's more than 10%" I THOUGHT SILENTLY TO MYSELF. I've been a big tipper in my life when the service warranted ($50 tip to my favorite waitress the summer of 2002 who never charged me for refills even though it was hotel and diner policy to do so.) Now the service tonight was fine. In fact the way were largely left completely alone was nice. This is because:

JHONDARR IS HOME!!!!

AND HE HAS A LADY WITH HIM!!!!!

So to be able to be rowdy and dance the Korobushka was greatly appreciated, but is inaction a reason to tip? Oh well, let me leave this business about the tip behind as we of course have a greater mission ahead of us, trying to impress Jhondarr's lady with how fun and zany Jhondarr's friends back home are. Or maybe it's just me starving for attention. Anyway, it was absolutely fantastic to see our favorite Texan dance instructor and I look forward to hanging out not only with Jhondarr but everyone who is making it back home this year. Happy holidays to you all and please look me up when you get back! To those of you who will not be able to make it back this year, just know that I love you and I'm thinking of you, and I hope you find a way to have a wonderful holiday season anyway even though it will not be spent in sunny Minot.

Anyway, my vegetarian omelet with all three meats and cheeses added plus 4 cups of coffee came to $19.00 even. The wholeness of this number astonished our server who speculates that she has worked 11 days in the last year.

Now in the year 1900 AD there were some pretty gnarly events. For instance, the first Zeppelin flight took place over Lake Constance in Germany, and without that chances are I would never have had my summer ringtone.

There was some hooohaw over the beginning of Quantum Physics or something. Whatever Max Planck!

In New Haven Connecticut Louis Lassen of Louis' Lunch made the first modern day "Hamburger Sandwich." From my research I've concluded that it must have been some rudimentary form of cheeseburger.

And my my my there were some deaths and births.

Births: Sammy Davis Sr. and Heinrich Himmler

While Oscar Wilde left us. Spinal Meningitis is a bitch. Why the meningitis? Maybe because of Syphilis. Maybe due to a surgery. Or maybe a pimple on his ear. Wikipedia isn't quite sure.

There was the Gold Standard Act, The Boxer Rebellion, and Hawaii became a territory. Yeah I mean I guess that 1900 was a pretty good year, but it wasn't anywhere near as good as it was to see Jhondarr,

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Draw A Card, DRINK 234!

A notification came buzzing over the old textural waves to Daniel's iPhone. "We need cards." Daniel and I shared a concerned look. If Jake found out about this we were all doomed. A deck of cards meant drinking games, drinking games mean a "Jaked" Jake. It may be the end of civilization as we know it. Despite all our concerns Danny still told Jake about the situation.

Danny: Jake, they said we should bring cards.

(From behind the bathroom door:)

Jake: Really!?!

We could hear the smile smearing across his face. He emerged from the bathroom all hott and foaming at the mouth tearing through the house looking for his coat. Just seconds later we were walking toward the C-Store (That's what Jake calls the gas station.) As Jake loped out about 6 paces ahead of us.

When we got inside there was a slight kerfuffle dealing with the payment of pianist and a snarky ATM machine. So in order to meet the exact fee I offered to buy the deck of cards in order to obtain a few smaller bills.

$2.34 for a pack of red Aviator playing cards.

In 234 BC 100,000 Zhao soldiers were killed in the battle of Pingyang (if you know anything else about the battle of Pingyang you should post in Wikipedia, I'm sure Jimmy Wales would greatly appreciate it.)

The Wikipedia article on 234 BC claims that construction of Great Wall of China started that year. A claim that is apparently uncorroborated by the Great Wall of China article. Sorry 234.

In Greece some junk was destroyed by Demetrius II (such a temper, but what's the king of Macedonia gonna do?)

And finally Zenodotus of Ephesus the first Librarian of the Library of Alexandria died. He was the guy who had this great idea to separate all of the books based on their subject material there. He also monkeyed around with the Iliad and The Odyssey, but who hasn't? Right?

234 BC. It was a pretty boring year. But not as boring as 234 AD. Want a good nap? Try reading up on it!

$7.47 Comin' Out of the Sky!

Alright Folks, here's how this Blog is going to work:

Every time I buy an item/items from a store and the price makes me think "I wonder what happened that year?" I'm going to look that year up (Probably AD or CE whatever you say now, but if the BC is interesting it may make it) on Wikipedia and document what I find. If the items I buy are of importance I'll let you know too. If it's a future year, maybe I'll read the bones and make a prediction or two.

I bought this collection of things on a trip to my friendly neighborhood Enerbase (Cenex) in which Billy and I needed to use the bathroom there while ours was out of commission. If you want to know why I'll tell you but I won't launch into that unsolicitedly. (Is unsolicitedly even a word? I guess it is, that's twice and Blogger hasn't recommended against its use.) The chips, Coke, Nutty Bars, and Kool-Aid Burst (aka Kool-Aid Jammer) with tax came to $7.47.

When the price came up I sang to myself "747 comin' out o' the sky wanna da da dada da dada!" You know, just like that song from the 70s or whatever. And I was almost content to leave it at that and not worry about the year. But of course I have to. I'm a freak. And I always wonder what was happening.

In 747 AD Charlemagne was born. This claim is under dispute, says the Wikipedia article. He could have been born in 742 who knows? Who cares? Well, Europe probably cares. Pope John Paul II once called him the Pater Europae or "Father or Europe" because he was the king of everything (The Franks, the Romans, the Lombards) for a little while. He's also given credit for singlehandedly <---SARCASM kicking Europe in the pants with Art, Literature, and Religion as part of the whole Carolingian renaissance and junk.

At the same time over in Tang Dynasty China Emperor Xuanzong abolished the death penalty. Barbarians.

Ok, there you have it! Feel free to correct this (in fact PLEASE fact check!), add your own facts, or whatever via comments I look forward to it! Let's discuss, shall we?